'Turn Yourself In Day'
The patrons of the Woody Creek Tavern outside of Aspen have been finding new things to occupy them since Hunter Thompson's passing. One idea they've come up with: Turn Yourself In Day.
In the spirit of worthy projects, my friend Coyote called the other morning with a scheme to honor the fallen. He called it "Turn Yourself in Day" and it went something like this. On a specific day and time every pot-smoker in America would head down to the nearest police station and turn him or herself in (signed, notarized confession optional). Admitted drug felons all, these umpteen millions of people would create an unprecedented logjam. Forget the obvious cop-shops and municipal buildings - every aspect of American civilization and culture would come to a screeching halt because of the vast numbers of quiet pot-smokers. Hospitals, schools, banks and head shops would shut down for lack of employees, armies would stop marching, racers would stop running. Businesses would have no customers, no employees. The Republican nightmare come true, their worst fears confirmed.
It might even reach beyond America:
As the boys at the Tavern were kicking around the permutations for domestic chaos, it was pointed out that world chaos was also inevitable. Sure the United States is the main cog in the world economic engine, but it's much simpler than that. World air traffic would be paralyzed. The number of aircraft required to transport millions of Americans to Syria to be tortured would make it impossible for any other sort of travel to proceed for a long time. No zipping off to Hawaii, probably no airmail.
And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out.
You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.
And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar.
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