NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - In what stock market analysts are pointing to as a rare bright spot in an otherwise gloomy period for Wall Street, manufacturers of downward arrows posted record profits this week.

While makers of cars, computers, farm equipment and practically everything else saw their fortunes plunge this week, producers of downward arrows notched double-digit gains, inspiring investors to snap up their shares like never before.

Companies like National Plunging Arrow Corp and Consolidated Downward Pointy Lines saw their shares rocket as investors rushed to participate in the suddenly red-hot red-arrow sector.

"We are seeing investors move out of Treasuries and gold and into downward-arrow stocks," said analyst Harland Dorinson, who covers plunging trend-line manufacturers for Morgan Stanley.  "At a time when the world is facing extreme uncertainty, the one thing we know for sure is that going forward there will be strong demand for downward pointy things."

The thing is that no one I know, including my own mother, who got that good news-bad news speech, has ever heard anything past, "you have cancer;" the adrenaline and roaring of one's heartbeat just drown it all out.

In my mom's case, she is now 17 months post-diagnosis,and cancer-free.  She had a lumpectomy, then a week of twice-a-day, for 10 minutes each session, radiation delivered directly to the site of the lumpectomy via a catheter-like arrangement.

I can only hope that the course of your treatment is smooth, and doesn't significantly disrupt your life.

A Report On Curcumin's Anti-Cancer Effects (.PDF, 8 pages)

Imagine a natural substance so smart it can tell the difference between a cancer cell and a normal cell; so powerful it can stop chemicals in their tracks; and so strong it can enable DNA to walk away from lethal doses of radiation virtually unscathed. Curcumin has powers against cancer so beneficial that drug companies are rushing to make drug versions. Curcumin is all this and more.

Curcuma longa is a ginger-like plant that grows in tropical regions. The roots contain a bright yellow substance (turmeric) that contains curcumin and other curcuminoids. Turmeric has been used in Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine for centuries. But it's only within the past few years that the extraordinary actions of curcumin against cancer have been scientifically documented. Among its many benefits, curcumin has at least a dozen separate ways of interfering with cancer.

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Certain enzymes enable tumors to create a blood supply for themselves. Known as "angiogenesis," this phenomenon allows tumors to invade surrounding tissue and spread. Working with blood vessels of the eye (where angiogenesis creates big problems for vision), researchers at Tufts University were able to inhibit blood vessel formation by using curcuminoids. Curcumin blocks AP-1, which enhances angiogenesis.

Also the phytochemicals in blueberries, apple juice, and any kind of red berries apparently are good...

Berries: Cancer-fighting super foods?

Anthocyanins are a group of phytochemicals that give many berries their red color. In laboratory studies, anthocyanins inhibit growth of lung, colon and leukemia cancer cells without affecting growth of healthy cells. Decreased cancer development is also seen in animals given anthocyanins.

Ellagic acid is another important phytochemical in virtually all berries. More than a simple antioxidant, ellagic acid also blocks metabolic pathways that can lead to cancer. In animals, it has inhibited development of colon, esophageal, liver, lung and skin cancers stemming from a variety of carcinogens.

You're in a tough situation, but you seem like a pretty tough person. Cancer treatment is no fun regardless of the stage. Still, the odds are you will beat this.

And I've got other friends and family who were diagnosed at Stage 3 and Stage 4 and were given only months . . . and that was many years ago.  So Stage 1 is going to be beatable, bet on it.

Another tip:  All the stats that you will see on these here internet toobz about survival rates are based on several years ago, as up to date as the data can be.  But survival rates actually are getting so much better every day, because of all of the wonders of great minds in medicine.  So the only data that matters?  Your own.  

When people say they want change it's not because they are tired of "partisan bickering" (which basically consists of derisive Republican laughter.) They're sick of a government that does exactly the opposite of what they want it to do.

¶ Fifty-three percent of Protestants could not identify Martin Luther as the man who started the Protestant Reformation.

¶ Forty-five percent of Catholics did not know that their church teaches that the consecrated bread and wine in holy communion are not merely symbols, but actually become the body and blood of Christ.

¶ Forty-three percent of Jews did not know that Maimonides, one of the foremost rabbinical authorities and philosophers, was Jewish.

The question about Maimonides was the one that the fewest people answered correctly. But 51 percent knew that Joseph Smith was Mormon, and 82 percent knew that Mother Teresa was Roman Catholic.

The article's pretty old. I remember it had a link to the actual questions but I can't seem to find it.

• He calls himself a member of the House of Lords (without voting rights).  In reality, the House of Lords authorities have said Monckton is not and never has been a member and that there is no such thing as a non-voting or honorary member of the House.  The House took the "unprecedented step" of publishing online a cease and desist letter to Monckton from the Clerk of the Parliaments, which concluded, "I am publishing this letter on the parliamentary website so that anybody who wishes to check whether you are a Member of the House of Lords can view this official confirmation that you are not.

• Monckton's claimed the climate treaty is being used to impose a single, communist, world government.  Grab your tinfoil hats and watch out for the black helicopters!

• Monckton is the same guy who proposed controlling AIDS by quarantining all AIDS patients for life.