DISCLAIMER: the following is in no way an endorsement of illegal actions, and is intended for satirical and humorous purposes only, and in no way reflects the views of the law-abiding attorneys who run this site.  

If the federal government is going to strip students of their federal loan assistance for marijuana offenses, then it's only fair that they relieve them of their federal loan debt as well.  Since evil ganja is the devil's drug, rendering all who smoke it morally depraved and utterly incapable of shouldering any responsibility whatsoever, it follows logically that we allow these irredeemable criminals to defer said debt indefinitely.  Let's face it they're never going to be able to hold down a job or work in order to pay back that debt.

That's right folks, free government sponsored education for everyone who picks up a joint and defiantly flicks the ashes in the face of the nearest police officer. Just wait until you've got that sheepskin under your belt kids, before you fill up the old Super Soaker with a few gallons of six-month old bong water, and go down to your nearest precinct house and lay waste to the place, aiming for the open mouths.

If the cops don't immediately shoot you in the head for assaulting them with a child's red and yellow squirt gun to later claim they thought it was a AK-47, and after they've taken you out back and done a job on you with rubber hoses, tasers and attack dogs for impregnating their pretty uniforms with burnt resin residue, at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you won't have to pay back those Stafford loans. Though I'm not exactly sure if a drenching with bong water actually constitutes a drug crime in most districts outside of zero tolerance zones.