New Junk Science: The Green-Tinged Tongue Test

Ridiculous law-enforcement news of the day: Police in Wausau, Wisconsin claim they can tell a drugged driver by whether his or her tongue has a green tint to it. This would be funny except that the citizens of Wausau have spent good money on a five week course to train two officers on the test. The officers,

...Bliven and Barnes were selected to train in the five-week course where they learned how a person's appearance, behavior, performance in psychophysical tests, eye exams and vital signs can tell them if they used drugs other than alcohol, such as marijuana, inhalants, stimulants and sedatives.

For example, Bliven and Barnes perform the typical field sobriety tests but also check muscle tone, pupil size, pulse and body temperature to detect any drugs in a person's system. A person using a stimulant will have very tense muscles, while a narcotics user's muscles will be relaxed, they said.

They also inspect a person's mouth and nose for signs of drugs, such as heat bumps or a green tinge on the tongue.

We predict this pseudo-science will never make it into a courtroom.

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